At last I had good news the ultrasound of my liver was good and when Dr J rang to give me the results of my bone scan he said everything was clear except for a gathering of contrast in my skull which could be caused by scar tissue.
I had recently put pen to paper and sent a letter to my Neuro Consultant, something which I have been known to do in the past a few times (its a running joke with my friends if I have a complaint about anything they say ” oh no the letter is probably written”). So 3 months following my Gamma knife and seizures I still had not received a follow up appointment with the Neuro consultant and after a phone call I learned that I would not be seeing them again and would be seen for my next review by Dr J. So needs must I wrote the letter. I must stress the letter was not abrupt or aggressive but merely thanked all the staff involved in planning and carrying out the Gamma knife as it was very professional. However I did then state a few issues I felt they had to learn from on aftercare service to ensure other patients would not have the same issues I had. The biggest one for me being that my consultant did not feel it necessary to see me again or arrange a follow up brain MRI but passed me straight by to Dr J who you all know by now is a Breast Oncologist not a Neuro Oncologist. So I stated in my letter that surely Neuro would want a follow up scan to ensure what they had done had actually worked on me and the tumour was gone as well as a few other issues I felt was not good aftercare service. Not surprisingly I did not receive any acknowledgement for the letter apart from Dr J telling me on the phone that day that I was a nightmare writing letters!!!!! Oh how they will all get to know my letters! Well anyway the results of the scan was good news for me the best I could have wished for. So that weekend we headed away to a friends house at the beach.
Easter came and went I continued with my fitness regime, taking my cannabis oil and turmeric juice everyday and feeling really well. My holiday to Majorca was fast approaching so B my sister and I were really looking forward to a few days away. With my upcoming medical retirement from my job after 17 years I had booked a family holiday to America. We would fly to LA drive up the California coast stopping off a few places then drive to San Francisco, fly to Vegas finishing in New York we would be away a total of 18 nights. The kids were ecstatic about the trip which would take place on the 30th June it would be a holiday of a life time and one which we would be together making lots of special memories and something to look forward to after such a sh!t time for us all.
My friends in work had organised a leaving party for me at the end of May although my official day of retirement would be 11th May the day before I flew to Majorca. Everything was starting to fall into a routine and I finally got an appointment in for my three month (now 4 months) follow up brain MRI for 31st May. The week before our girly trip I booked in for my top to toe pampering at my beautician and hairdresser getting my gel polish on my nails.
The Monday night prior to our holiday I was sitting at the kitchen table with my youngest son while my husband and eldest son went to the golf course. A strange feeling came over me which I could only describe as everything seemed really far away from my when I looked at my hands in front of me it looked like they were at arms length. When I was marking my sons spellings every time I tried to circle the mistake I completely misjudged the point on the page. Then when opening the dishwasher I missed the handle a number of times so when I got double vision I thought I was about to take a seizure so left my son downstairs and went up to my bed and lay down. When I realised my husbands phone was beside the bed I rang B to come as I was scared what would happen with my son being there.
Ten minutes later she was there and gave me a diazepam as the doctors had told her to do that if something like this was to happen. Strangely the feeling left me as quick as it came on me and I was fine the rest of the night. However with going to Majorca a couple of days later I thought I better see the GP just to explain what happened and see if it was a seizure.
The following morning I seen the GP who said it sounded as if I had an Aura which some people get before a migraine but because of my history she wanted to speak to Neuro and would ring me. So happy enough I left the surgery and went to a friends house and ate lunch out in the garden. I was just in the middle of lunch when my phone rang it was my GP to say having spoke to Neuro they said I needed to go to A&E for a CT scan. Not too bothered by this announcement B and I finished our lunch and headed to A&E. After all the formalities and preliminary tests I was sent for a CT scan of the brain. A few hours later the young registrar who had been dealing with me called us into a side room and said those words I’m so used to hearing now ” Sorry Lynette its a tumour its 19mm in the same area as the last one.” This was obviously the area which the bone scan had picked up in April, however as I hadn’t had a brain MRI as yet it had not been conclusive.
Ok I’ve been here before I can deal with this I know what to expect, but there goes my holiday to Majorca what a bloody inconvenience!! No really after everything sunk in that night while lying in my hospital bed after being admitted I did my usual thinking and realised that this happened for a very good reason at this time. I thought what the consequences could have been if it hadn’t happened and I went to Majorca, indulged in too much sangria and something happened to me out there. Yes although I was disappointed I wasn’t going for me the positive was that I was in hospital being looked after. Believe me I wasn’t always so philosophical I would have been spitting feathers not being able to see past my own nose of the reasons why somethings happen for a reason but when you encounter so much negativity you start to think why is this happening and then start to think logically about why something has happened.
Over the past 2 years I have read lots and totally believe in the Law of Attraction. If you haven’t heard of it or haven’t read about it I advise you to do so. I honestly believe I see things in a totally different light now. One thing you really notice when you start practising the Law of Attraction is actually how negative we all can be. How am I meant to?…. That won’t work…. or one I hear cancer patients encountering from their clinicians of all people is “we will try it but it probably won’t work”….. really do you seriously think that gives anyone any hope? I have really tried to ingrain positivity into my kids too. why would we not encourage our kids to be the best therefore when my son says he wants to drive a supercar I tell him well if you really want that then you need to work hard in school and university, get a good job, and someday you can have a supercar but you have to really want it for it to happen because only you can make it happen its not going to fall out of the sky. Why would I boohoo him? and tell him “aye son dream on only the super rich and famous drive them”
Set yourself a task someday say ok I’m not going to be negative about anything today but consciously be positive, you will feel better at the end of the day but you will also notice how negative other people are and negative energy is very draining. These people are referred to as energy vampires, when you are in their company you feel drained as they suck all the positive energy out of you. Give it a go someday you may be surprised!!
So my tumour being found 3 days before me going to Majorca was a positive, but then the realisation of my family holiday to America may be in jeopardy which was devastating as I knew how much my kids were looking forward to it. As you can imagine our family holiday wasn’t a cheapie and only that I got a small lump sum from medical retirement was the reason why we could do it. It just so happened my balance was due in 3 days time so I was in complete turmoil. My husband picked me up from the hospital as I was discharged the following day. I rang my travel agent who I had spoken to a lot over the previous few months planning the itinerary so he knew all my circumstances. I think when I spoke to him and said the words out loud the realisation dawned on me and I cried down the phone to him. He told me he would get an extension on my balance to be paid to enable me to see what the plan was. In the car I said to my husband not to tell the kids yet until we knew what was happening but when we got home and told them I wasn’t going to Spain on Friday they asked why and when I told them it was because the doctors did not allow me to fly they both looked at me and asked “for how long? sure we are going to America.” I was more gutted for them than I was about having another tumour, it was the one thing I had wanted to do with them and now it was in jeopardy!
The following day I got a phone call from the bed manager in the hospital to say I had to meet my neurosurgeon the following day as he was going to operate on Monday. This was the best news I could have hoped for so the following day after meeting him I was in such a better place. Him being his usual get down to business, here’s what is going on, here’s what I am going to do I told him about my American road trip he looked at his calendar counted up the weeks and said “ok you should be good to go, we will wait and do your Whole Brain Radiotherapy when you get back in July”. At which stage I could have leapt off my seat and hugged him, instead I said “that is brilliant news I can tell my kids we will be going to America after all”.
That afternoon my husband and I left the hospital with huge smiles on our faces you wouldn’t think we had just come out of an appointment being told I was getting open brain surgery in 3 days time. I rang everyone to let them know including B and my sister who I had insisted go to Majorca that day without me much to their resistance.
Ok so I’ve been here before another Craniotomy I can deal with that especially knowing it was being done by my very trusted and amazing neurosurgeon…. but they better not make me take my gel polish off before theatre!